Adelaide, Day 1

98mph h'officer I was only doing 70

Well we've won the toss, decided to bat and Lee's first two deliveries were very wide (and incorrectly speedgunned at 98mph, undoubtedly with the same gun they issue the UK police with on the M1).

Also 'Advance Australia (some money because they want some candy floss at the) Fair' was cocked up by some idiot who couldn't sing very well to himself singing on the backing track.

Ali Cook is still wearing his eyeliner and Levi Strauss has told everyone he is not a hooker. Or at least if he feels the need to do a bit of hooking then he'd roll his wrists and do his best to keep it down............ oh he's just got out. Well clearly it went to his head. What a puller. Sorry hooker.

I was optimistic again there for a minute and now I'm knackered again and may just go to bed. Yeah cheers Johan. Rent boy.

To be continued - after I've had a nap. Come on Belly. Oh and Bill's trumpet has been banned AGAIN. Bloody ridiculous.