Brisbane, Day 1:

In the Cotswolds a Spaniel Stirs

Well, I watched the first and last hour of play. Number of wickets witnessed live: zero. It started with Harmie sending down the ball of a neighbouring century. Still, it probably does the keeper good to see the bowling from side on. What was the story with Hayden and the dog? Tessa stirred at the mention of that and I think her barking lead to his dismissal after I had gone to sleep. Actually, Tessa being Welsh and a spaniel would have been more on target than most of the England and Wales bowling. Fred showed the figures do not lie and he is almost the equal of Lord Cairns. Pietersen was pretty useful with the ball but I have to wonder if security restrictions prevented the “reverse” swingers from bringing the right type of mints.

Nasser was fully in agreement with the decision of Ponting to bat first; I guess he is capable of learning after all. He makes very little sense as a commentator, he is bitter but not twisted, and you need the supreme spouse-loving confidence of Boycott to carry off the chip on your shoulder act. Holding and Bumble are a great team, it is impossible not to smile every time we get a shot of a giant hooter hooked over a microphone. Holding is all about the cricket in front of him; he is not trying to rewrite history. His stories are so warm and gentle that I forgive him for them being pointless and not very funny.

The army with two songs and one brain were mercifully quiet; I only heard their achingly witty theme tune nine times. They can take heart that England, Wales et al. were rubbish in the first-test last series and only came right after the second greatest fast bowler Australasia has produced was injured. Perhaps a warm-up soccer match is in order. It has to be said: bright yellow is not a good colour for spectators, but the Gabba appeared a most pleasant place to be for the first day of a great sporting occasion.